December 25, 2010
"Christmas 2010"
A very merry Christmas to you and yours!!! With this holiday spent without Chase, the day was very heartfelt. Chase's stocking was hung as a reminder of all the years Santa filled it. A place setting was made at the breakfast table, there wasn't need for a chair but Chase's presence was abounding. Each person, Kyle, Corey, Cody, Grandma Sue and myself read brief sentiments with Chase's being the most poignant; "FAITH, HOPE, LOVE.... and the greatest of these is LOVE." Today, as we remember God's gift to the world, I am deeply moved by the love that has sustained us during difficult times. From all of our family, especially Chase, May you know that even though Chase is gone, he is a testimony of perseverance, living life to the fullest and a true believer......Happy New Year and see you on the 5th, 4pm at Proud Mary's, Dana Point Harbor. xoxo
November 24, 2010
"A day of Gratitude"
Have a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving....hope you practice the cup being not only half full, but seriously to the brim....Our first Thanksgiving without Chase reminds me of last year. At the family gathering at my dad's house in Newport, Chase privately pulled me aside and asked for no photos. Obviously, Chase's body had deteriorated and unbeknownst to us, Chase would die 36 days later....Fortunately, one of my cousins insisted on a group photo which will be soon posted to remind all of you, each and every day live it up, be grateful to those who you surround yourself with and if life were to end would you be proud of the way you spent your last moments...Chase lived life to the fullest, he chose to participate at the end, and he knew his days/hours/minutes were limited. He tried at the end to make special efforts to remind us of the benevolence of life, love and relationships. Don't ever lose sight of this, and God willing, you will never ever have to be celebrating the Holidays without your child, 'a boy who just loved to fish,' xoxo P.S. A special reminder, to adults, families and kids.....I am hosting a gambling night at my house @ 34101 Calle La Primavera, Dana Point, Ca. 92629 on Chase's 21st birthday (Dec. 20th). A night of gambling because that is exactly what Chase would be doing...The first 36 to buy in for $50 will reserve their spot at poker and black jack tables. Winner #1 $1000, 2nd, $500, 3rd, $250, and the biggest loser gets their $50 back...Betting starts @ 7-10pm Food @6 pm. I will not reserve your spot until you've paid. Still looking for 4 more volunteer dealers....xoxo
November 14, 2010
"India and Puako; Blessings from above"
The view is remarkably beautiful as I sit looking at the Kona coast, weather gorgeous with a soft cooling breeze...For a moment, put yourself in this place while I tell you a wonderful Sunday story, or sermon, if you prefer. On those mornings when you hesitate doing what you know you should do, don't make excuses, JUST DO IT! Do you know how many days Chase felt horrid and knew his days were limited, but he dragged himself up to sea, to have some of the best fishing days of his life. The same applies to honoring your faith, when you have the calling, whether to attend your church of faith or do a random act of kindness, as the minister said today at the Hokuloa United Church of Christ in Kona, "Do the Work, You don't have to be good to be a Christian, but as a Christian you do have to do good." Today, the service was very touching, as my last visit here with Grandma Sue, Kyle and Dan was on Easter Sunday when we spread some of Chase's ashes at an abandoned fishing harbor. I sung from the hymnal and my tears flowed greatly, as the whole remembrance of my Chasey is still so very painful. As I departed church, my teary stained face met with the pastor and his eyes pierced through me. Did he know? I think not, but yet, he certainly felt my pain and as we drove off, the harbor called Puako, commanded me. I no longer felt a need to go back to the original harbor and went to a nearby fishing spot where trucks were left with their empty trailers because they were obviously fishing. A boat was coming in and being pulled out of the water, it looked much like the boat Chase and Blake have and I instructed Dan to park. A long little dock set out on the most pristine bay unfolded and I knew what needed to be done. I asked the boat owners to take a quick photo and then I melted down. I chose not to restrain my emotions which led to a very much needed release. Dan grabbed a long branch with leaves on it, looked much like a broom and we slowly walked the plank. Chase's ashes were set on a pure, white lei sold to us by a retired chaplain the day before who promised us before he even knew, the lei would last for 3 to 4 weeks...I said out loud Chase will last a lot longer.....and boy, did he ever.
Before I tossed the lei, a man and his daughter (about 9 years old) paddled into the dock on their wave runner. I waited to get our privacy back and listened in awe, she said, "Daddy, go do some donut holes, I want to fish a bit." Dad responded, "Honey, it's time to go." "No, daddy, just let me fish a bit." So, he indulged her for a brief moment. I seized this time and threw the lei. She asked me what we were doing, and Dan said we were remembering my son. She then asked, “Why?" It is then when she caught my eye, she had these cute fat cheeks, freckles, and stunning green/blue eyes...it was Chase in a child version. Then the miracle happened, AGAIN, This little girl, who later told us her name was "INDIA,” said, "Look at the heart," and as she pointed, the lei had turned into a heart. She asked why my son had died, I said cancer, and she said she felt sad for him. I told her how brave he was and he had been an avid fisherman. She told me she and her daddy had caught two fish that morning and found people on the shore who had a campfire going and they had all eaten fish together. She was so proud, just like Chase had been when we ate his caught fish. As Dan took the tree branch and broomed the last ashes into the sea, India asked what that sand was and we told her it was Chase's ashes. They immediately turned bright gold in the water as they floated down to the bottom of the sea. A silence came upon this little itty-bitty dock and the three of us stood in amazement. I know Chase was with us and now, so do you. God Bless All of You on this very moving, emotional day...ALOHA
November 07, 2010
"ALL SAINT'S DAY"
I felt Chase and the loss of his life greatly today. Fortunately, friends and family gathered at church, and later at my home, to celebrate the amazing journey that Chase modeled for us. Through my tears, I felt so blessed to have Chase's loved ones together. It is amazing the outpour of support and power of faith that is shared amongst those who love my son, Chase Donovan Crawford-Quickel. A warrior, a hero, a fighter...basically... a saint to be remembered. xoxo, Kim
October 14, 2010
"Dates to Confirm"
The First United Methodist Church of Laguna Beach at 21632 Wesley Drive, L.B. 92651 this Sunday at 10 am is celebrating All Saint's Day in honor of the last year's deceased. It will be a service honoring Chase, as well as others. At 11 am, when the service ends, any are invited back to my Dana Point house at 34101 Calle La Primavera, Unit B, Dana Point Ca. 92629, immediately following the service for lunch, including Chase's favorite and last meal, mini bean and cheese burritos....Then, on December 20th, I plan to have a poker party at my house in honor of Chase's 21st birthday, because we all know how he liked to gamble. I will need to know now your reserved gambling spot at my house by Novemer 31st and this is your only notification. LET THE GAME BEGIN!!! On January 5th, we will meet together to sorrowfully and with honor spread Chase's last ashes at Dana Point Harbor for it will be exactly one year since his passing....God has given us the grace to know our own hero, Chase Donovan Crawford-Quickel and his 8 year struggle with cancer. May his spirit live inside all of you........xoxo,Kim
August 29, 2010
"Chase is going to Idaho"
The boys and I are leaving this week for a family gathering in Idaho. We'll be hiking, river rafting, exploring, visiting with family and probably causing some mischief along the way. With everyone being torn in different directions with the business of life, I am relishing the time away with my boys....especially holding them captive on this vacation. We will be taking some of Chase's ashes with us and on the 8th month anniversary of his passing, we will share a quiet moment together to set him free. Lately, when I walk Jozie to the harbor, there have been moments when a strong wind comes up and it takes my breath away. I know it is Chase. He is my hero and I so incredibly miss him.
God Bless you and yours, xoxo Kim
PLEASE SUPPORT CHANTELLE- IN MEMORY OF CHASE
From Chantelle:
This has been one of the most stellar experiences of my life, but my overriding motivation is the scourge of cancer, this year even more. I chose this charity three years ago in support of Chase Quickel who was diagnosed with Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML). Chase passed earlier this year on January 5, but not without a fight; anyone that knew him or of his story knew that as well. His bravery, perseverance, and unbreakable spirit were and continue to be a true inspiration to all. Thank you so very much. Chantelle
August 05, 2010
"Loving and missing him"
Today, as many of you know, is 7 months since Chase passed in my arms. Last night I went to church and found myself kneeling and praying with a heavy heart. I know he was with me as I declared my missing him and sorrow over his death. I hope you feel him today and don't forget to have a mini bean and cheese burrito in his honor. I'm planning on going down to the beach and make it a quiet one. xoxo, Kim
July 19, 2010
"Another miracle"
Big changes.....I moved this week to Dana Point, time to breathe the ocean air, be close to the water and face the loss of Chase without distractions. It all happened within 2 days, with Dan moving into the house to spend more quality time with Cody. We will share time raising Cody together and that includes both the good times and the more challenging ones. This is the very first time in my entire life, I have ever lived alone. Pretty amazing at my age!!!! Anyway, as I prayed to God and then Chase last night, I asked Chase to come to me in my dreams. I just felt I needed him more and so thought I'd ask. I awoke early and decided to head to the harbor with Jozie for a long walk. We both had a fierce pace, now looking back, maybe we were subconsciously preparing for a miracle. And that is what we got....As we turned on the Harbor boardwalk, we faced a large boat coming in and it caught my attention. I am not sure why, maybe it was the sight of a single man and his lounging teenagers on this glorious Sunday morning. They were coming through the channel from presumably an early morning trip at sea. As the boat passed, my gaze followed until my heart almost leaped out of my chest as I read her name...CHASE 'N' DREAMS. I reached for Jozie and cried my eyes out. For those of you who may not know, our boat was 'Chasen' Dreams' named after Chase and his perpetual search for adventure. My eyes burned and I finally had to ask a kind passing man for a tissue. Chase may not have come in my dreams last night, but he definitely sent me a profound message. Today has been a tearful day and yet,this change will be good. I am confident Chase is in heaven creating miracles and if you are willing and able, they are there so keep the faith!! xoxo, Kim P.S. Please please support dandanbbq.com, Corey is the President and CEO and the traveling truck is on fire with GREAT food, prices and character.Don't miss this Asian fusion cuisine. GUARANTEED a winner!!!!!
July 07, 2010
"A Special 6 Month Gathering For Chase"
The open house, in honor of the 6 month anniversary of Chase's passing, began at 5 pm on July 5th, 2010. Guests arrived, lit a candle and said a prayer while viewing a large photo of Chase smiling brightly, with a full head of hair and sparkling eyes. A typical feast of mini bean and cheese burritos, rice, black beans, enchilada casserole, guacamole, salsa, chips plus various other tidbits were devoured by many. The mood was soothing as we inwardly remembered and outwardly reminisced about the life and plight of Chase.
At 6:26 pm, the group was directed out front to gather in a circle
of love, and as we held hands, Kelsey Wilkenson read a prayer, followed by Dan, then myself. We thanked everyone for attending and for their continual support and prayers during Chase's life and even after his death. I took out the hand made keepsake box that was given to me at the hospital after Chase passed, when our family was finally asked to leave Chase's bedside, never to see him alive again (Now I am crying...) As I explained to family and friends, I felt that many of them may have a special place in their hearts where Chase might rest in peace and as I opened this sentimental box and passed it around the group, each person took a small container filled with Chase's ashes. The containers were marked in gold with 'CQ 1-5-10'. I took a small amount and asked everyone to quietly say their own prayer and/or words to Chase and as I threw his ashes into the sky we all shed our own private tears and sentiments. At the conclusion, we gathered for a group photo which will be blown up and placed above Chase's bed in his room. We reconvened in the house for cake. The cake had a life size photo of Chase looking as healthy as can be, just like he is in heaven right now. We watched a video of his life and the entire night was truly the perfect collection of special memories, good friends and family members and a blessing from above. I know Chase was watching. He probably didn't initially approve of all the fuss, but my guess is, by the end of the night, he was greatly touched, at least, that is what I choose to believe. It's hard to fathom it's been 6 months, but this 'one day at a time' philosophy helps make it possible to get through it. Thanks to all of you who were able to attend. I love you, xoxo
July 04, 2010
"Early Fourth of July Kick Off"
I woke up this morning anxious to get the day started. When we arrived at St. Paul's Church, the ambiance was peaceful, the church very charming and the parishioners welcoming. The Dueslers took up three pews and the service was very special. My cousin, Jack, was an acolyte and my Uncle Bart read scripture and also gave a brief history on Chase's fight over the last eight years with cancer. Dan and I went to the alter with the engraved lure which the minister blessed. My knees buckled and I tried to fight the tears but finally gave up. My hands were restless behind my back as I stood, witnessing yet another remarkable recognition of my son's amazing fight. Corey made Chase's favorite circle knot and attached the lure with strong line. He climbed this sturdy, old oak tree which stands proudly in the middle of the newly renewed garden in the sanctuary, compliments of the Dueslers. It is then, we all looked up to see the line being thrown and as the lure dangled from above the beautiful branches in this perfect setting, I silently thanked God for this moment and of course, for the time I did have with Chase. The morning was euphoric, followed by a family brunch. Thanks to all of the Duesler clan, you've made our first Fourth of July without Chase memorable. God Bless!!!!xoxo
July 01, 2010
"SPIRIT IN THE SKY..."
As we approach Fourth of July, I wanted to wish all of you a wonderful celebration. I am proud of our country and the foundation of democracy upon which we were built. We are blessed to be Americans and hopefully, you will say a mighty prayer of gratitude. On July 4th, I will start my early morning at a special service at St. Paul's Church in Tustin. A dedication for Chase will be given and following the service, an engraved fishing lure belonging to Chase will be planted in a special honorary garden created by family, i.e. the Duesler clan. On Monday, July 6th, Chase's 6 month, close friends and family will enjoy mini bean and cheese burritos during an open house at my place from 5-9 pm. My tears seem to be coming more at night, when I have a quiet moment to pray to Chase. Last night, rather than focus on his frail body resting those last moments in my arms, I imagined his grin and the times I do remember him laughing. It was helpful to ease the loss for that particular moment. I wish I could say, we are better but I can't. At the time of Chase's passing, I think there was the initial relief that Chase was finally out of pain and at peace. Although those sentiments still exist, the pain and loss over time, ceases to subside. I JUST MISS MY SON SO INCREDIBLY MUCH...That's all for now, Happy Fourth of July...Here's to our 'SPIRIT IN THE SKY.' God Bless You Chase.xoxo
June 12, 2010
"Believe"
PROFOUND......God and Chase came to me today and you didn't have to be there to be a believer. Christine and I did our Saturday morning Dana Harbor walk, which started very routinely. I instructed her that I had added some miles for the walk and we set off to talk, laugh and exercise. Toward our departure from the Harbor, I began to talk about CHASE, at which point, a good looking man stopped, rolled down his window (as he was towing a fishing vessel) and handed us something..(THE PHOTO TO THE RIGHT). Christine looked at it first then handed it to me........It was a photo of a dolphin perching, and written boldly the words, "GOD LOVES YOU – John 3:16"......I immediately chased down the man and he stopped his vehicle and rolled down his window. I burst into tears and told him that my son had died 5 months ago at 3:16. He got out of his car and hugged me and we both cried. It was the kind of hug that could last you a life time. He told me my son was waiting to meet us and that, basically, time doesn't really matter in heaven and that when we get there everything is going to be fine.!!!!!!!!!!!! Then, as he departed, he invited me and 10 others to go find whales and dolphin. Today is surely a blessing and when I told Cody, we both cried together and at that moment..I knew Chase was watching...xoxo
P.S. Did you know that dolphins represent the souls of fishermen who have passed???
June 07, 2010
"Post Review of the Weekend"
What a fabulous time with my loved ones sharing together the finest of fun, laughter and naughty times. Without getting into the finite details, let it suffice to say, there was much shared by all and the details remain locked in confidentiality guidelines set forth by whomever....There are four major experiences I do wish to share. When my birthday cake came with the candle on it, I sat silently realizing that for the past 8 years, every year, my birthday wishes were consumed with a wish for Chase to survive, to thrive, and eventually, after his terminal diagnosis, to pass without pain. For the very first time, I wasn't saying a wish for Chasey and that brought me to profound tears. I was able to re-focus and prayed for Cody and that gave me some peace. On my birthday brunch, I was surrounded by 15 loved ones and as I looked around the table, I felt so blessed. I went to check my phone and the result was off the planet. My phone went directly to Chase on the screen!!!!!!!!!! It truly was divine intervention that Chase was sending me a birthday memo and as I announced it to the group, we were all met with astonishment and gratefulness. My dearest friend Lori, delivered a quilt at the brunch, with Chase's photo in the middle and attached squares of all his unique special interests. At that point, there wasn't a dry eye in the restaurant. As we held hands and prayed together, Chase filled our hearts with confirmation of his life, death and loss. Finally, as we celebrated my birthday and Chase's 5 month anniversary of his passing, I ran into a wise woman who undoubtedly, was a meant to be. She basically left me with these words of advice......She told me not to rush, that I have more to do on this earth and that Chase will be there waiting when it is my time to go.......It still gives me chills to think of her words. I guess I will still keep doing what I need to do but I think, No I KNOW, I am going to live what Chase taught us all...I am going to enjoy each and every day I get, because you just never know how many more you will have. God Bless all of you and thank you as a whole, for your support, prayers and birthday wishes.... xoxo aka 'The Old Bag'
June 03, 2010
"June 5th, 2010"
I am writing in advance to honor my son, Chase, who as you know on this date, passed away at 3:16 am in my arms. I held his hand that was so ever warm and caressed and kissed it but at that moment, in this room, with his dad and three brothers sleeping, I screamed out to them in pure disbelief and denial, "Chase is gone.." and thus he was,....Chasey was dead. They arose like soldiers..standing upright, comforting me and crying incessantly....Yes, our beloved hero had finally gone with the most painful and difficult disease called CANCER. (If you have to pick a cause, please put your efforts in acute childhood cancer charities, Make a Wish, and the Leukemia society foundation, etc.) It has been a time to move on but the progress is slow. Family members are going through individual crises. SATURDAY, I will spend the weekend with my close friends but it will also be the 5-month anniversary of Chase's death. I want you all to know I pray for him and all people in turmoil everyday. If you have asked me how I am doing, I have said okay or fine. I am no longer going to lie and hence, you no longer have to ask. I MISS MY CHASEY EVERY SECOND OF MY LIFE. I cry for hours everyday , I am high functioning at work and in situations I am required to be at my best. But the bottom line is, I miss Chase and if it weren't for my other children, I probably wouldn't be keeping my head above water. The good news, I still have my sense of humor and even tonight, at $1 tacos at El Cortez, Pam and I remained cougars and hit the lottery...more gossip to follow...xoxo
May 09, 2010
"First Mother's Day without Chase"
Yesterday, my request was to have the boys clean the garage and fill the dumpster as my Mother's Day present .. although it started a bit rushed, it ended up being organized and a relished afternoon ...So, today, Mother's Day, we headed out for church, our first without Chase. When I went for a run this morning the wind came howling and I felt it was Chase. The air kept twirling around me, it was really amazing. I silently said to myself I didn't need a sign but Chase told me he needed to remind me he wasn't sick anymore. He said he was healthy and free. I guess that is when I said to myself, Kim, you miss him but he really is okay...... Anyway....on to this moment...... We went to church, had a great sermon, brunch, and later Cody had a one on one with me that made the world stand still. His words of accountability and genuine responsibility were remarkable. There is such a void today without Chase. Lori made this awesome framed collage and placed it in my room. When Cody and I saw it we both broke down and cried.. In each photo Chase is smiling from childhood on, and Cody remarked it catches so many phases of Chase's life..... Tonight Cody requests to sleep with this collage of memories....My vote is yes and so be it.. xoxoxoxo.. A Mother and a son who is a Warrior
Click here to see the Collage
May 01, 2010
"The Derby"
Even if you don't follow the Kentucky Derby, the event and particulars of today's race, would make Chase proud. A group of average people,called 'Chasing Dreams', just wanted to give the race a shot but really didn't care about the big bucks or the limelight ...just like Chase. So they did;they didn't win, but they proudly fought a good fight, just like Chase. I bet there is no regret and tonight they will celebrate, just like Chase is, somewhere in heaven.....God rest his soul. I am glad I bet on Noble's Promise but more importantly, my son, Chase Donovan Crawford-Quickel.
April 29, 2010
"My Hero"
I am leaving tomorrow with Grandma Sue for a few days to Sedona for a last minute getaway for her birthday. Thought it might be good to get a spiritual taste of Arizona. I've had Chase so very much on my mind, crying a lot and missing him incessantly. I remembered him today when we all went fishing on Chasin' Dreams....we left very very early, it was so foggy and cold, every one slept but of course Chase, who had his hands on the wheel as he steered us across the seas searching for the perfect spot to fish. Every time I opened my one eye to peruse the scene, Chase would be alert and centered on his mission, no pity party, no whining...just focused....MY HERO..God I Miss You CHASE.....xoxo
April 16, 2010
I miss my Chasey.....
April 05, 2010
"The 90th day since Chase passed, April 5th, 2010"
I wish you were all with me yesterday, but maybe... you were in spirit... So, while you read this, turn off the TV and any distracters, cell phones, and take a few cleansing breathes. Even if you have never been to Hawaii, create what you visualize as the most beautiful place on the planet and then, imagine a warm, windy breeze with aqua water close to your feet, the sand is warm and we are walking, the clouds are slowly rolling by, and even if you are not a morning person, you are rejuvenated by the serenity of this island....That is exactly how Easter morning started. We attended a small, quaint church in Puako built in the 1800's and afterward went to an abandoned fishing harbor near Hawi on the North Kohola Coast. We had Chase's ashes, leis, the wrong shoes, and a bit of trepidation. There was a baron cross afar and a rock painted with the word 'Kyle' which, since Kyle was with us I found odd. We were very picky about the spot, we started getting grouchy with each other, and then finally a peace came over us. Grandma Sue read a few words. We all at this point were solemn, as we took ashes and placed them around the 2 leis...Kyle stepped down into the rocky area and so very gently let the lei move slowly through the water and at one point, it went under a rock, disappearing causing us concern....then it resurfaced, and moved into the bigger ocean ......I said my own silent words and released the other lei...my lip quivered, the tears were relentless......and then the lei formed into a heart and several yellow, bright fish momentarily came underneath the clear, aqua water to pay their respects to my dear son, Chase Donovan Crawford- Quickel who died 90 days ago. Later, that day we spread white rocks boldly with the name CHASE in the dark lava on the highway, right across from our hotel, Fairmont Orchid at the Mauna Lani. God bless him and rest his soul. xoxo, Kim
March 31, 2010
"Chase's life continues in a different form"
So, It's kind of like when Chase was alive, people would ask, "How's Chase?" and we'd answer, "Hangin' in there..." What could you really say,"Yeah...he's lost a heck of weight and blood and he's going to the hospital more and more, and he's irritable, can't eat, stubborn and in incessant pain." Now, that Chase has passed, loved ones want to know how we are doing.... Our standard answer is, "We are hangin' in there." But here's the truth, I can only speak for myself, I personally cry everyday.... I miss Chase everyday. I miss his grouchy disposition, his lectures, his drop leg, his weakness at the end , watching him sleep with his mouth wide open wondering if he would take another breath. I miss his moral character and the influence it took on my life, especially at the end, and most of all, the love I have and love he gave me to know I had to witness his death in my arms which has been so very challenging. His lessons are still amongst us..... Cody, Chase's youngest brother was recently troubled at school. When we appealed the school administration, many thought we should just give up. I backed Cody and we decided to fight but we lost. When we left the office Cody felt defeated and stated, we should have never fought and thought it had been a waste of our time. Later that day, when I was walking with my best friends, including a breast cancer survivor, and one of my bestest friends, Chase came to me, and reminded me, that when he was diagnosed 8 years ago with terminal Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma and little to no chance of survival, he fought the fight and got 8 more years...granted not so pleasant, but, overall, WORTH IT....when I told Cody and his friends the story later that day, WE ALL CRIED TOGETHER and I hope you all do to ....HAPPY EASTER......We will be spreading a small splash of Chase's ashes at a fishing spot in Kona, Hawaii on Easter Sunday. The rest to be spread with family and friends this summer. Will keep you posted. THANK YOU GOD THANK YOU JESUS....xoxo, Kim
March 05, 2010
"60 days.."
It really was an incredulous dream. Whether the content was sent from Chase, God, my subconscious or all of the above on this morning after 60 days of Chase's passing ... I remain stunned.
I woke at 3:28 am after this following dream ended. The dream began with a typical Sunday family night dinner at the Monarch Beach Club where the kids grew up with Dan and I packing the car to head out and let the kids run wild while adults mingled, relaxed, enjoying a family buffet and watching the sunset. For some reason, Chase and I had meandered off to play, where two boys were arguing and it turns into a rather physical dispute. We tried to stay out of it but I finally felt it was prudent to step in and intervene. We separated the two young boys who were about Chase's age, I imagine around 9 or 10.
All the other families were gone, including ours. A small detail, I had collected lost coins found at the beach to distribute fairly to the winner versus loser of the disgruntled young men. It was obvious who the bully was. No one seemed to want the money (I guess a sign of the affluent community). Anyway, we consoled the beaten up boy named Yesterday. He seemed intrigued as to why we would want to help and Chase explained I was a counselor. We offered to exchange email information and Chase seemed excited to meet a new friend, that is until I mentioned Chase's website. Chase smiled at me. His hair was long, blond and curly. He was healthy, perky and so very cute. He just said no mommy. He wasn't angry, he was just clear. And that is how I started the 2 month anniversary of my son who really never ever wanted all this attention. I love you son. xoxo, mom
March 01, 2010
"My heart is breaking and my prayers are abundant....xoxo, Kim and obviously......Chase from HEAVEN"
Hello Everyone,
Dylan has been in CHOC intensive care since last Tuesday with pneumatosis intestinalis. This is a condition caused by GVHD and/or extended steroid therapy which causes a thinning of the lining of the intestine. Due to this thinning, air from Dylan's stomach by the bowels has escaped and is now in between the inner and outer layer of the intestine. If the air gets past the outer wall, there is a great risk of perforation of the stomach lining sending bacteria throughout his body. This is a life threatening condition which would require a surgery to repair the perforation. Dylan's body is too weak from GVHD to perform surgery at this point. The doctors have placed Dylan on intravenous nutrition to rest the intestines. This means no food or liquid for Dylan as of last Wednesday. He can't even take his medicines with water. Everything is intravenous for now. This little guy has endured and struggled to keep going and he is still going even though his food has now been taken away. It looks like as of today with his stomach x-ray that the air bubbles have improved just a little bit. Until the air bubbles are completely gone Dylan cannot leave the hospital. The 4 doctors are thinking maybe another 7 days, 10 days, 14 days or longer. Please keep him in your prayers. Troy and I are up at the hospital 24/7 so to reach us please email or call our cell phones. We are both running on fumes with 7-14 days or more ahead of us. Let us all not forget our little guy Logan who is trying to deal with all of this as a 7 year old!
Thank you all for your prayers, and support.
Troy, Debbie, Dylan and Logan
February 25, 2010
I just miss you Chasey I really do.....xoxo,mom
February 18, 2010
"I REMEMBER YOU.."
I remember your sweetness, your ethical fiber, your grouchiness, and your humor. I remember every day telling you, "I love you," and you repeating those words to me..... I remember your independence and inability to let Dad and I help you on hospital visits as you milked the HIPPA confidentiality laws and ran with the umbrella protection. I remember feeling like your life would soon be over. I recall, praying, every night and day, that God would take you as your pain and discomfort became intolerable.....and that is when I released you from the confines of a mother's restrictions...."Go Chase," and be released from the inordinate pain that you have endured.....As Chase took his last breath in my arms at CHOC in the hospital bed, I felt so very blessed....Kyle, Corey, Cody and Dan were there. When I awoke at 3:15 and saw Chase take his very last breathe, and looked at my watch at 3:16 when he stopped breathing, all family members in the room were asleep. His nurse had told me earlier that many times, terminally ill patients wait until the family members fall asleep, when all is calm, so as we as a family, released Chase, we all cried and silently said good-bye to Chase, our mentor of faith, hope and love.....and basically so very much more...xoxo Kim
February 10, 2010
Having a hard night tonight.....So thought I'd write. I hope you will check Chase's website periodically, especially soon, as the bird that was resistant to leave the cages, upon release, flew and perched himself on the ease of the church and as he watched from above, we released our beanies, and then he flew to meet his flock and this was all caught on tape. Everyone stated it was Chase and I truly believe it was his spirit. There have been so many signs that Chase is in heaven and watching us all from above. I miss Chase incredibly, I love him so very much and I am awestruck by the inordinate pain and case management he did on his own. As I review the paper work, which states , 'death imminent', I can't believe what he withstood. Without faith in God, I would not be able to withstand the sadness and loss of my son, Chase Donovan Crawford-Quickel...With faith, I am able to cope and have faith in his life ever after......I still cry every day ......xoxo,Kim
January 24, 2010
"Busy in Heaven"
To all the many who attended Chase's service and reception following, and for those who could not attend: Your support and prayers have been abundant. Our memories are what sustain us at this difficult time. Chase has come to Dan, Kyle, Corey and Grandma Sue giving hope, inspiration, and on many occasions advice which truly has been taken to heart and practice. Thank you all for your gifts, cards, flowers, contributions, donations to CHOC and Curesearch.com. I haven't heard personally from Chase YET but I do keep finding lots of pennies from heaven. To all of you, God Bless you and your loved ones. Chase is a miracle and we are so honored to have him in our hearts...xoxo, Kim
January 06, 2010
Please join us this Friday, January 8, 2010 at 10:30 at Coast Hills Community Church, 5 Pursuit, Aliso Viejo 92656. Following the service, we will be releasing doves and our beenies, so be sure to wear one. The hosted reception luncheon for all attendees will be held at Chaparosa Grill, 30271 Golden Lantern #D, Laguna Niguel, 92677. The day has finally come to honor a man who had persevered through a lengthy bout of cancer, whether you knew him personally or not, HIS LIFE IS A REMINDER of enjoying life to the fullest, even in the shadows of death..... See you Friday...xoxo, Kim
In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent via curesearch.org(800-458-6223) or CHOC Foundation specifically to the Cancer Institute (714-532-8690) in memory of Chase Crawford.
January 05, 2010
"John 3:16"
Chase took his last breath at 3:16 am today. Dan and the boys were all sleeping in the room and I was cuddled up to my Chasey. When he stopped breathing, I quickly yelled to Dan and the boys and we all cried and prayed together. Chase looked peaceful. He came to CHOC on Monday morning for blood products. His platelets were a one and there is speculation that he had bleeding in his brain. When the nurse left his bedside, he tried to get up and fell on his head. At that point, we are not sure if his seizure came first or after the fall. Chase never regained consciousness. Room 323 was filled to the brim with over 30 family members and friends as we shared the anointment service with the hospital Chaplain. Stories were shared and at times it was somber and other times joyous. Chase would have been mortified by the attention but we kept our spirits mindful of his preferences. Services are pending and you all will be notified but we are tentatively looking at this Friday or Saturday. More to follow, but for today, we are all going to sleep as the last 18 hours have been grueling. Chase has symbolized such tenacious strength and perseverance but his pain had become inordinate. Finally, a reprieve from these last seven years, his body may have given out on him but, you know his spirit lives on!!!! John 3:16 " For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish and have everlasting life."
